As many know I have been attached to Brandon since high school and as a result have never played an active role in the "singles' circuit". Mind you, I do wish to clarify that I have no problem observing the "circuit" from the position of arm chair quarterback or better yet "wing-woman" (I am very PC in my terminology) and it was through this position I found myself in a bar in Stratford serving as first lieutenant to my unit* member Mallory.
As this post could be the longest ever as per our experience, I have decided to narrow my tale of how The Boar's Head proved why getting married is great down to three examples of single men we encountered... kind of like the butcher, the baker and the candlestick maker (if you will) of Stratford's singles' circuit.
First Example - The Cabinet Maker
In order to give you an idea of what he looked like I should explain that I was torn between calling this gentleman the Cabinet Maker or the Mullet Man (enough said?). He came over to our table after Mallory and I shared a laugh with one of his friends (the laugh relates to example #2 - I will explain later). He was in his 40s and was quite interested in Mallory. He was also (cough) a tad over weight and looked like he had been drinking a 2-4/smoking 3 packs a day for all of recent memory.
There were two parts of this encounter that I thought were the most entertaining, 1) the fact he expended a great amount of effort towards detailing for Mallory about his own history of physical exercise (at minimum 2 hours a day, weights, running...), and 2) when Mallory abandoned me to go to the washroom and he subsequently went out for a cigarette his friends wanted full details as to Mallory's single status as well as her age and whether she was interested in this lovely mullet headed cabinet maker (and obviously being the true friend I am, I suggested she was).
Second Example - The Pirate
The Pirate was actually a member of a group of individuals celebrating "International Talk Like a Pirate Day" (who knew?). For more information visit: http://www.talklikeapirate.com/piratehome.html. They were all dressed like Pirates with eye patches, swords, and flags. While no one in this group did more than ogle at Mallory it was still fascinating to see these people wandering around AARGHing and drinking.
One member of this group that was predominately was composed of 20 somethings stood out. This man's role was to be the "flag waver", he was 40-ish and looked so proud to have the role of waving the skull and cross bone flag with this group of swashbucklers. Frankly, while he didn't actually make a move I have to say that just the very possibility of such an event makes me feel relieved that I have a perfect first line of defence - my engagement ring (nice to look at and would also serve as a handy form of self defence).
Third Example - The Map Master
While we ran into The Map Master on our way out of Stratford as opposed to at the Boar's Head I feel he nonetheless needs to be included as a prime example of why again I am thrilled to be getting married.
Mallory and I were stopped trying to figure out if we should turn left or right to get to the 401 when this white van pulled up alongside our car. Mallory waved the driver onwards and he pulled around to go in front of us. It took him approximately 3 Mississippis before he reversed and asked us if we needed directions. After inquiring where we were from and where we needed to go he provided udirections (smiling continually like an idiot) and proceeded to move forward for about two Mississippis worth of time. After which he reversed again and said "I don't normally do this..." (ummm can you say cheesy?), but he was hoping Mallory would see him again and proceeded to yell his e-mail address through the car window. He gets points for dedication, but frankly he lost them for the following: 1) being 20 years too old, 2) driving a white mini-van (even red or black would have been better), 3) having a yappy little dog on his lap in the front seat, and 4) can you say future stalker material?
I hope these three examples serve as clean cut examples of why I consider myself incredibly lucky to be getting married (thank you Brandon!). This reality means I can now settle into my role as soon-to-be married "wing woman" (and hopeful matchmaker - look at the future love match I may have orchestrated between Mallory and the Cabinet Maker!).
And now as I go to sleep I feel completely content in knowing that the Cabinet Maker, the Pirate and the Map Master are still out there fighting the good fight in the land of singledom (and hopefully staying well away from my friends).
PS Congratulations to Mallory - she placed first in her age group for the Duathalon - 5 km run, 30 km bike, 5 km run (the reason we were in Stratford!) - You're Amazing Mal :-) I am so proud of you.
