Diary of a Wedding Dress Shopper (Part Three)

Is it weird that I just spent fifteen minutes “Googling” Adam West, Batman and television serials? Frankly, the fact I have just spent my Saturday night searching for interesting tidbits proves what I have been saying about Google being an enabler of time wasting. Think, instead of Googling for information about a 1960s television series I could have devoted that time to actually working on the third (and potentially – I haven’t decided yet) final instalment of “Diary of a Wedding Dress Shopper” – some may find this delay a good thing. However, in the interest of ending the hate mail (I am a tease apparently) I feel it is time to conclude my saga (or at any rate try to) – mwhahaha, mwhahaha, mwhahaha.

She puts up with me!  Thanks Mom

Additionally, in the interest of demonstrating how committed I am to finishing my tale I will not share all the information I gained during my fifteen minutes of Googling relating to Bewitched, I Dream of Jeannie, Petticoat Junction, and a few other 1960 television serials (including obviously Batman). I have learned so much, but yet I will not bore everyone with the wondrous Wikipedian knowledge I have gained in the last fifteen minutes... sigh (it is really more like forty-five minutes, but let us not dwell on that).

Nonetheless, where was I...? Right! I remember...

“Holy Nuptials, Batman!” Sue, Mom, Megan and Mallory were all holding a collective breath as I was about to make my grand entrance in the dress I had travelled approximately 379.04 miles (610.005 749 76 kilometres if you are curious, http://www.onlineconversion.com/length_common.htm) to find... now obviously I didn’t hang around inside the change room as the last thing I wanted was for people to suffocate, but I have to say I was a little nervous. The pressure was intense; this was the dress; this was the dress I had dreamed about; this was the dress that was going to make my mom cry; this was the dress that was going to make me jump around ecstatically; this was the dress that Brandon would see me in when he says I do; this was a big moment; in fact this might be the moment (yes I am stalling – I am all for drawing out the anticipation, how’s it working?).

 

On The Road...

(Left to Right) 1) We're Almost Here! 

2) Intriguing Combination... Next Stop "Big Woodies II: Bibles and Playboys

I walked out of the change room with my eyes closed, my heart beating, and my palms sweating. I stepped up onto the raised platform (trying a wedding dress on is all about the raised platform) and turned toward the mirror and slowly cracked open my eyes and the moment I had waited for through all the phone calls, the Googling, the day dreaming, the frustration, and anticipation was absolutely, completely and totally CRAP. I looked ridiculous. In fact I looked more than ridiculous, I looked like a burlesque show girl with no taste and a bad costume designer – and most notably one that was about to throw up from the embarrassment of having to tell people this story. I would almost go so far as to say that I looked like I had hired Barbara Eden’s costume designer Gwen Wakeling to come up with my wedding dress (yes, okay I cracked, I had to slip in some of the information I have learned this evening – did you know that viewers of I Dream of Jeannie only saw Jeannie’s naval three times during the five seasons the show aired? By the way, Ms. Wakeling did design a great costume for a genie... just not a bride. Okay I am done the information spewing, for now... (for more information please visit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Dream_of_Jeannie)).

Therefore, I was left with a choice – One: I could pretend to love the dress to save face and not seem insane, or Two: I could try on the dress I noticed on the poster outside the store and see if I could see past the blob of fabric I was currently wearing and the fact that everyone was trying to be incredibly positive about the dress that was supposedly of my dreams. However, before I could do that I needed to stare at myself in the mirror for a half an hour to ensure myself that the dress I was wearing was actually the one on the Internet (frankly I couldn’t tell for sure – it looked completely different!).

 Good Friends Last Forever (and Go Miles)

I went into the change room and started laughing. Megan was laughing too and as she helped me out of the dress we shared a moment of sisterhood again when she started breathing a sigh of relief that I had said NO to the dress... just say no kids, just say no.

Now that you have heard the shocking truth that I hated the dress I had tracked across the Eastern Seaboard to find and had waxed poetic about to everyone, I will tell you another little secret... when I was walking into the store I saw a dress on a poster in the window and thought to myself... “Self that dress is beautiful”. In fact I saw myself in that dress and I saw Brandon crying. However, I assumed that was “pre-buyers” remorse and just the nervous anticipation of seeing MY dress. In Part Two of my saga you may remember that I referred to the dress that Megan and Mallory had the store staff grab, well that was the dress from the poster and now I was going to try it on again (the first time I didn’t really pay attention).

 It would be a great picture...

if it wasn't for the York sweater (Love You Mugs)

I am thinking you can probably guess the ending, so I will just say that it wasn’t a purple, size thirty pant suit. In fact it was everything I had hoped for. It was a cross between... urgh, I guess I can’t say. However, what I can say is that this was THE dress and it was making me smile, my mom weep, and I am hoping Brandon fall in love with me a little more than he has already (Sue promised me up and down that this is true and she lives with the guy so I have to believe her) – this was THE dress. It was the clichéd moment television and the movies continuously promote and I loved every second.

 It is Mine!

Within a short window of time (after the dress was pried off me) I paid and we embarked on the rest of our journey... Chili’s Grill and Bar for supper, Super 8 Hotel, Mallory overhearing wild and crazy sex fanatics next door (Megan and I slept soundly right through), Cracker Barrel (yummy!) and then Millcreek Mall for shopping! While at the Mall Megan and I were innocently strolling around Macy’s when out of nowhere we spotted another shopper who looked suspicious... suspiciously like our Aunt Deb (in fact it was). Aunt Deb, Aunt Donna and Aunt Deanne were part of a cross-border shopping bus trip and were currently at the Mall doing some last minute shopping before they headed home. Funny how small the world really is, eh? With another stop at an outlet in Buffalo and the longest line EVER crossing the border we made it home, safe and sound.

 Family (Left to Right): Megan, Aunt Deb, Me, Aunt Donna and Aunt Deanne

HOWEVER, this is not my last Pennsylvania trip; in fact I have another to look forward to in the spring when I go and pick up my dress. MY DRESS. I have tried to rationalize what happened; because truthfully I really loved the other dress when I saw it on the Internet – in fact I would have bet you cold, hard cash that it was perfect for me. But I guess you can’t judge a book by its cover, and that dress was fit for no one (even Elizabeth Montgomery couldn’t have nosed twitched that dress away). So I pulled a Bewitched styled Darrin swap (check out the website for explanation if you don’t get this reference - hint there were two Darrins: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bewitched) and the dress of my dreams became entirely different, but at the same time entirely perfect.

I guess this is the ending of my saga (darn I wish I could draw it out more... perhaps I could discuss Green Acres and the Beverly Hillbillies? Or perhaps not). I would like to say thanks to Terry Mullin for lending us her vehicle to go, Sue for driving over 1200 kilometres in search of a dress I didn’t buy, Denise and Elizabeth (Cuthbertson) for supporting my insanity at work, Mallory and Megan for being my Unit members in Pennsylvania (Megan special shout out for helping me in the change room – that was above and beyond the call – let me just say that insulin pumps complicate things), Elizabeth (Smith) and Lorraine for being my Unit members in Whitby, Tamara for encouraging me, Cindy for deep-throating the "secret designer" telephone number, Aliesha for selling me the dress, my Dad for just laughing and telling us to have a good time, my Mom for crying (and not accusing me of being psychotic), and most importantly Brandon for telling me that I could wear a burlap sack and he would still marry me with a smile on his face and love in his heart. I cannot wait until September 18th... I now have the dress of my dreams; I just had to go to Pennsylvania to find it.

 Two days of solid shopping... What else did you expect?

(PS If you want to know more about 1960s television please feel free to e-mail me as (like normal) I am a wealth of useless information - Did you know that Petticoat Junction, The Beverly Hillbillies and Green Acres all took place in the same fictional universe?  For more information visit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Petticoat_Junction.  Thanks Google (as per usual) ;-)