Scottish Wedding Traditions Uncovered: Yet Another Internet Rant

My inability to make a decision is caused by one thing and one thing alone: the Internet (and yes I can see the irony of complaining about the Internet on the Internet). Frankly my problem with the Internet can be directly attributed to my addition to Google (insert a round of applause for my completion of the first of many steps towards the end of my Google addiction). The root of my Google addition (sounds kind of indecent, eh?) is that I am obsessed with having an abstract thought and then having the ability to immediately open up my web browser and find out what information Google may have to share about the topic.

One of my latest interests (errr... obsessions) is Googling different wedding traditions that I can incorporate into my big day. As we are having a Celtic wedding and are trying to follow all the "rules" this has required a fair amount of research on my part into the history of Scotland and Scottish wedding traditions. While I am Scottish (so is my family conveniently enough) and consider myself fairly knowledgeable about such traditions, I am nonetheless "North Americanized" and therefore need to do research into the topic to ensure accuracy, quality and no legal loop holes (one doesn't want to get married and then find out ten years later the ceremony wasn't legal because in the glow of their pending marital bliss the happy couple decided to use some tradition where a goat can stand in for the Minister (in a pinch of course)!).

Deep and Megan practicing for the wedding...

While I have learned a lot through my research, I nonetheless have to say that in some ways my search has been downright scary as while the term "tradition" is defined by the Oxford English Dictionary as "a custom, opinion, or belief handed down to posterity" (1117), the OED fails to mention the fact that traditions are not always good, and in fact can be quite bad depending on who is at the receiving end of the tradition (tragically in many cases it is the Bride who suffers and ends up in Tibet with only $5 bucks, a lampshade and a TTC transfer stub to her name).

Now before I go any further I have to say that I am a little nervous about providing the results my research to my friends/family, as I believe knowledge is a very powerful weapon and I may (probably will) live to regret sharing what I have learned. Nonetheless, in the name of science I must persevere and spread the knowledge I have gained. [DISCLAIMER: I am explaining these details strictly from an intellectual point of view and do not necessarily wish to be a test dummy for any of the weirder and wilder traditions that I may explain - i.e. Blackening the Bride.]

The first tradition is more romantic in nature as strategically I figured that if Brandon was going to read this post it is best to suggest something beneficial to me right off the top in case he decides not to read the rest (love you Sweetie). This 17th century tradition centres on a broach called the "Luckenbooth" (named because it was sold from locked booths along the Royal Mile). According to scottishweddingtraditions.net this token was typically exchanged between couples upon betrothal (cheaper than an engagement ring – I guess it was before diamonds were forever) and kept until the birth of the first child.  At this time the pin was then attached to the shawl swaddling the baby and served to protect the child from evil spirits. Honestly, I have to say that I prefer my engagement ring, but I don't know how well it protects me and any future children from evil spirits... interested guys perhaps, but not evil spirits... I assume the protection from interested guys is Brandon's ultimate plan and I am left to my own devices to fend off evil spirits.

The second tradition I have to mention is one I find both a little bit awkward and a little bit disturbing, but that is just because I have a foot phobia and the ceremony involves "feet washing" (urgh and sigh). Now before I continue I would first like to apologize to my "Unit" as in theory this would be their job if it were two hundred years ago and we lived in Scotland, but don't worry this is where my North Americaness kicks in and makes having a "feet washing" ceremony not an option. Essentially the bride places her feet in a tub of water and then is surrounded by her "Unit" who proceed to wash her feet (ewwww). While this is occurring a wedding ring is placed in the tub and whoever finds the ring will be the next to get married. At least it is true that misery loves company and to this end the groom (who has been hiding outside the door) is grabbed by the groomsmen and forced to sit in the foot washing tub and is covered with soot, ashes and cinders (I'd have Brandella!) I have yet to figure out the benefit of this custom, but I am sure it is there somewhere... if someone comes up with an idea please let me know ASAP.

Other Scottish traditions involve lots of parties, drinking and general debauchery for all involved (works for me). However, one tradition that was of interest involves dressing the bride up in old curtains and other household materials. The bride is then toured through town with her entourage banging pots and pans announcing the forthcoming marriage - along the way men drop money into the pots in exchange for a kiss from the bride (my kind of party!).

Mind you the dressing up in old curtains is a better alternative to a Scottish stag party where the groom is either dressed up like a pregnant woman (I have no clue why) or partially/completely stripped of his clothes and tied up in front of his house. However, this might be preferred over another Scottish tradition called the "Creeling of the Bridegroom". In this custom a massive basket (AKA creel) is laden with stones and tied to the bridegroom's back. Once the load is in place the bridegroom has to carry it around the entire town until his bride agrees to come out and kiss him... if she refuses... well let's say that the Low Back Clinic might be the groom's only resort (man I can be cruel, but that would be pushing it a little far).

It is important to note that it is not just the Scottish that have weird and wonderful wedding traditions... for example in Korea the groom has his feet beaten with fish prior to the ceremony (enough said).

Another fun tradition is from Germany where friends of the bride and groom kidnap the bride and the groom has to find her... this could be problematic as the search is supposed to start in the pub and frankly I have never seen Brandon exit a pub in the same shape he went into it in... I would be lost forever!

Another interesting one (and Brandon please read this!) is in Taiwan the groom gives the bride 12 presents (sweet deal!) before the wedding... it is like the Twelve Days of Christmas but better as there are no partridges in pear trees or eight maids a milking kicking around (I will take the 5 Golden Rings though if they are up for grabs).

Now I know you have all been waiting and wondering why I am tossing in Korean and German traditions when the crème de la crème of Scottish traditions has yet to be explained: The Blackening of the Bride. This is similar to the beginning of the German tradition where friends of the soon-to-be married couple kidnap the bride, but that is where the similarities end (gulp, why am I telling you this again? Right in the name of science and intellectual discovery).  The so-called friends of the bride pour a smelly, sticky, gooey, nasty substance on her, which basically is a combination of eggs, butter, cheese, noodles, fish, sausages and of course carrots (I assume to improve eyesight?). I guess that's what friends are for? No wait, friendship is all about what happens next – following the goo-ification of the bride her friends tour her around town in her sticky state for all to see... (FYI: PAY BACK IS A @#$%&;#?$).

Just remember I like to give hugs...

and try to stop me from giving you one if you "blacken" me

Courtesy of http://traditionscustoms.com/content/strange-wedding-traditions

Just to be fair I have to say that I have held some wedding traditions back and have no intention of sharing, science smience, who was I kidding with all that in the "pursuit of knowledge" crap. If you are curious about the rest of the traditions I may or may not incorporate you will just have to stay tuned until the wedding. 

So do you see what Google/the Internet has done?  Can you tell I am an addict?  Well at least I have achieved the first step on the road to recovery from my Google addiction... hmm... I wonder what the next step is, maybe I should just find out... Yikes - 75.5 million hits, gonna be a long night - Thanks Google :-).
For More Information Please Visit:

• http://www.scottishweddingtraditions.net/traditions.htm
• http://www.worldweddingtraditions.com/locations/west_europe_traditions/scottish_traditions.html
• http://traditionscustoms.com/content/strange-wedding-traditions

PS: 337 More Days!

The Last Thanksgiving

Well that sounds ominous...

While I am not experiencing my "last" Thanksgiving in quite the same manner as our turkey (hopefully at least), I am nonetheless about to embark on my last Thanksgiving as an "unmarried", for in 341 odd days I will be a "married" and thereby sharing Thanksgiving and all subsequent holidays permanently (yikes what will Arbour Day be like?) with another person.

This thought dawned on me today while once more I was zestfully scrubbing the toilet in preparation for our company's arrival - AKA Amandeep and Brandon (Handfastings and Holidays... I get the "Double H" cleaning duty).  Nonetheless, cleaning time bodes well for me as often I do my best thinking when cleaning the bathroom, essentially because I try to avoid thinking about the task at hand.  Therefore, today I had ample opportunity to contemplate my "last" Thanksgiving and my last year as an "unmarried". 

I use the term "unmarried" as I have been dating Brandon for so long that I cannot really classify myself as unattached (AKA single), but at the same time cannot classify myself as 100% linked.  Therefore, I consider myself in some kind of pre-marital limbo - hence the term "unmarried" (somethings are easier to define/explain by what they are not, as opposed to what they are).  Therefore, I feel I need to weigh the fact this is my "last" Thanksgiving carefully just in case I should need to change my mind and run the opposite direction from the alter - one always should have his or her turkeys errr... ducks in a row when contemplating any big decision.

My "last" Thanksgiving... hmmm... I don't really suppose I've had a solo Thanksgiving in eight years, as since I started dating Brandon he has attended each and every one my family has hosted.  Mind you, I don't think I have ever had a solo Thanksgiving in my life, as I have always been surrounded by my family, a few drop in friends and a turkey to be named later. 

BUT... I have to say that since Brandon has joined us for Thanksgiving he has added something extra to the event... Including (but of course not limited to):

1. The fact he complained religiously for the first three years we dated about having to wear his suit to Thanksgiving dinner (my dad ALWAYS wears a suit), but then suddenly stopped complaining and now secretly enjoys his Johnny Cash look (but don't tell him I told you that);
2. The fact we now have limited quantities of turkey/cheese sauce/stuffing/mash potato leftovers.  This adds an exciting element to the subsequent leftover dinner as it turns into a kill or be killed, survivor style experience as my sister and I duke it out with our parents for a taste of what may be left;
3. The fact he always knows when to give me a hug, tease or smile at me;
4. The fact he always helps with the dishes and makes sure everything is cleaned up following the meal (excellent practice for our married life);

And Lastly: The fact he has SLOWLY started breathing during dinner when using my Mom's good china/crystal and has stopped asking for regular dishes (plastic preferred) or paper plates when sitting down at the table - fear of breakage does remarkable things to a person.

However, I cannot evaluate my Thanksgiving experience without thinking of another benefit of Brandon joining in on my Thanksgivings - I get to join in on his!  While we were unable to make "the" dinner this year we did go up to his parents' house to attend one of their family traditions: The Norwood Fair.  While it may not be turkey and stuffing we went on carnival rides (which I love more than anything else, errr... practically), had taffy, chowed down on greasy fries and of course shared lots of laughs with his nephews and niece and a few others that joined in on the fun...

All this being considered I guess the scale is being heavily weighted toward the benefit of my becoming a "married".  However, I guess the final thing to evaluate is the importance of the fact that Brandon has been with me for so long that he remembers everything that has occurred during the last eight Thanksgivings.  He knew my Poppa (who was always close at hand) and he knows how much tradition, family and warmth mean to us... how could I ever opt to share this with anyone else?  Who else could understand?  Who else would I want by my side?  The answer is simple... no one.  And therefore while I head upstairs to shower and dress for my "last" Thanksgiving I am going to approach it with a smile and a skip in my step as this means next year I am officially attached to my best friend and future holiday partner - Brandon (wait till Arbour Day sweetie, it'll be a blow out to remember!).

Thanksgiving 2004 - Brandon, Dad, Me, Mom, Megs and Poppa

PS It has however come to my attention that Santa will visit me for the last time this year... I am not quite sure how I feel about that, in fact this might be a whole other situation that requires debate... Brandon, can you beat the big red guy in a suit?

Reason #1012 Why I Love Brandon

Many people are aware of this, but for your information corny is my middle name... I am constantly telling lame jokes and/or laughing at the most ridiculous things.  However, in relation to the wedding I am trying to be reasonable about this delightful personality trait (errr... flaw to some, cough) as I am quite positive no one wants to attend/go to a) a sob fest, b) a reception with lengthy, boring speeches where you debate which utensil to stab yourself in the eye with, and/or c) a room filled with hearts, pictures of kittens, or something equally over the top. 

In fact as a demonstration of how reasonable I am I did not once pout, complain, nag, cry, whine, or have any other emotional outburst when I asked Brandon ten-ish months ago to perform a handfasting ceremony with me one year and a day before our wedding and he said flat out no.  You see I am above that and I have class which is why I did not get upsent when I was told "no way on earth" (that is my polite translation of the situation).

For those of you who are wondering, handfasting is a primarily Scottish tradition that involves the couple-to-be clasping hands and sharing a vow while their hands are bound with ribbon/cord/string (etc...).  This was commonly used back in the "day" (16th, 17th,18th, 19th centuries) because priests were in high demand and sometimes it would take nearly a year before one would pass through the village (thank God for the Model T).  Nowadays this ceremony has become a little bit pagan, but don't worry I am not one to veer off the beaten path (forget broomsticks and toe of newt)... all I wanted was to have a moment to pledge my love in a true Scottish fashion and if our hands were tied, so be it.  For more information visit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Handfasting.

Mom's Debut...

At any rate, as a result of my maturity and understanding of Brandon's lack of interest in the ceremony I let it slip my mind and continued on with life, until... I was in the bathroom zestfully scrubbing the toilet (on September 17) when the phone rang (FYI this is 9 o'clock at night).  A few seconds later my mother walked into the bathroom and told me I had 10 minutes to get cleaned up as Brandon and I were going to be handfast.  Now as for my reaction, was it joy, surprise, frustration?  No it was confusion... I kept saying, "but I am cleaning the toilet" and asking why if I were going to be HANDFAST would no one see fit to MENTION this fact...  

Nonetheless, the toilet factor actually gave me an opportunity to prove how adept I am at getting my act together.  Therefore 10 minutes later I was dressed (clean) and ready to roll.  Mind you I kept muttering about toilets and cleaning products, but that is entirely beside the point.

When we went outside my parents had lit the gas fire and the deck was filled with candles/torches (two thumbs up to all for style and taste).  My mom (who from this point onwards shall be called the greatest mom ever) performed the ceremony and bound our wrists with 13 different colours of ribbon.  For more information visit: http://www.handfasting.info/h_symbols.html.  PS I am not kidding about my mom she was fantastic!

I guess this is where the saying "attached at the hip" came from...

 The absolute best part of the evening was Brandon.  His vow was tear jerking (as he demonstrated (cough), but don't tell anyone that's a secret and he would kill me if he knew I told!).  He even incorporated his love of my singing voice.  That has to be love and dedication because frankly I have heard the noise I make when I sing and it probably shouldn't even be classified as singing... perhaps more like a screechy off pitch wailing - love might be blind, but who knew it was deaf?

Ummmm... it could be an uncomfortable marriage if we stay like this!

 Between the vows, my wonderful family being there and Mallory joining us as photographer for the night the whole night was wonderful.  Brandon completely fooled me and made the whole thing a surprise... and despite the toilet cleaning I wouldn't of changed a thing (mind you it would have been a nice touch if he had promised to clean toilets for the rest of our marriage, but we can't have it all). 


Pretty good reason to love Brandon, eh?