Diary of a Wedding Dress Shopper (Part Four) - The Final Adventure

Everyone knew the day had to come when I would once more return to Greensburg, Pennsylvania; it wasn't an if, it was a when... after all a girl needs her wedding dress! Therefore on a sunny (well it was pitch black because it was about 3:30 in the morning...) Saturday in May my dad and I climbed into our car and set out to GET MY DRESS!

Now for those that remember the saga (please view Diary of a Wedding Dress Shopper, Parts One, Two, and Three for the full history) I managed to find a dress a million miles away and set off back in October to find it... however when I got there the dress was terrible.  Nonetheless, it worked out in the end as while I was stressing and dealing with heart palpitations over having dragged Mom, Sue, Megan and Mallory to Pennsylvania in search of "the" dress, I managed to find another dress that just happened to be "the" dress. The rest of the story is simple... I ordered the dress and therefore had to return to find it and of course bring it home.

On the road... So early!

It was great travelling with my Dad. He is fantatsic company... mind you I don't think I have spent that much time alone with him in my entire life (it was 16 hours driving time), so I was a little nervous we would run out of things to talk about. WRONG!  We laughed and chatted the whole way and it was great... and as I am sure you might be starting to guess we did it in one LONG haul!

I was pretty concerned at first from the way he was talking that we would reach our destination and he would ask me to roll out of the car while it was still in motion, grab the dress, and go, but thankfully he didn't. Along the way we stopped at the PA sign (like we did on the way there), but unfortunately did not encounter Bicycle Bill, or was it Buffalo Bob? I did however make sure I got a picture with my Dad beside the sign!

Welcome to Pennsylvania! 

One thing of note that I noticed along the trip that I didn't last time was the incredible amount of road kill. Yes this may seem like a bizarre topic for a wedding blog, but seriously I have to comment as I have never seen anything like it before... apparently the road kill running (?) around the roads of PA is not your averaged sized road kill; instead it is the size of small trucks and everywhere!  I swear I felt like we were playing a game of Frogger where the animals appear out of the shadows and have to dive, dodge, and dash to avoid disaster (check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frogger for information on Frogger).

Beyond stopping at the requisite McDs we powered along until we hit construction... of course I was driving at this point and it turned into a white knuckle experience because we couldn't even bail off of the road to let me dad take over as all exits were blocked off completely. Nonetheless, we survived (and so did the car) and made AMAZING time getting to Greensburg.

Okay... this is where I have to stop and talk about my McDs' experiences along the way... the only word I can think of to describe them would be "epic"...  The first one we stopped at was in Buffalo right after we crossed the border... I went in and I suppose this was the first day for all of the employees and it took 30 minutes to get our order... the staff didn't really know what was going on and pretty much just starred at the customers while they were ordering. People got angry and frankly one thing I have learned as a result of a number of life experiences I have enjoyed over the last 25 years - you don't mess with someone's breakfast... especially if that breakfast has a "mc" in the title... McMuffin, McGriddle, etc... Eventually as a result of my looking pathetic enough I received my order (cough, cough, had to freak at the manager...) and I headed back to the car.

We're here!

You are probably sitting here reading this and wondering where my dad was through this experience. The plan had been as we were on a tight time frame (washroom breaks every 20 hours kind of a schedule...) was that he would get gas while I got the food, and he had done just that and was waiting at the car for me.  Now, I love my dad, but really, wouldn't you worry if your daughter never came back within a logical amount of time?  Apparently (and reasonably enough) he didn't want to leave to come find me because he figured I wandered out the wrong door (one side leads north to the Canadian border and the other side leads south).  He assumed that I would eventually find my way home and wasn't too worried.  Geesh! He is lucky he got his McFood, imagine leaving me to wander around in a strange (cough, not really that strange, but I like drama) country, with a bag of McFood, probably attracting bears, having to use the stars to guide me out of the parking lot, waiting until the food that is basically plastic hardened to use it to carve a message into a stone to pass onto a wandering villager... okay now I am even annoying myself by my blatherings.

At any rate I went out the right door and found the car... but to this day I am a little perplexed that he found me THAT stupid to assume I would go the wrong way. 

From happiness to serenity...

 

Despite the construction and the amazing experience at McDs we arrived at 12:45 pm at MB Bridal (right on time according to our estimation) and it was then time to go and PICK UP MY GOWN! I was practically vibrating with nerves, but just like last time the fantastic Aleisha was there ready to assist and I was escorted to a change room. Last time the room was called "happiness" this time it was call "serenity"; must be a sign or something!

 Aleisha helped me into the gown and it was perfect! I know you are probably wondering if I showed my dad my dress and the answer to the question is of course I did. We had what could be best described as the "perfect" father/daughter moment and there were some tears (and it wasn't just me! Sorry dad had to tell the truth!). Nonethless, within an hour we were tucked back into the car with the dress safely secured and heading north. The trip home seemed to take extra long, but it was great just spending time together. In fact I think that will be time I will treasure for the rest of my life.
 

Careful precious cargo!

So along the way (and part of why the trip home took so long) we stopped at another McD's. This time we both went in to the counter to place our order. The bill was $11.35 for our meals and we handed the cashier $15.35... Please do the math... don't worry I will provide you time... how much change were we owed? Now if you don't know the answer please don't read further because I am going to get a little rude... the answer to this question is $4.00... a total the cashier could not get to, which is cool I understand, but before I realized that was the problem she went and asked 4 other employees for help... they stood there starring at the money not knowing what to do. Finally I said "four dollars, just give me four dollars...” and she still looked confused and had to get a calculator to solve the equation (to explain why she couldn't use the cash register she had entered the wrong amount)... so "off kilter"...

Finally I received my change and was waiting for our order, but in an increasingly strange turn of events this troop of 12 year old girls wandered in and started demanding ice cream cones. I suppose as ice cream melts the cashier threw herself into this mission and started mass producing the cones... ummm... food please? I think it took another 30 minutes to get our meals... which equals a combined total of 60 minutes in McD's just waiting... shocking, no? I survived, but I have to say regardless it should not have taken 5 people plus a calculator to come up with the total equalling four dollars! Even if the moon was in the second house, and/or Jupiter aligned with Mars (thought I would use this allusion as my dad was on the trip and this has to be one of his favourite songs, "The Age of Aquarius" by 5th Dimension - for more information please visit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Age_of_Aquarius_(album)). 

See I am protecting it as best I can!

So that was the trip and the end of my wedding dress voyage in a nutshell. While I can't (I guess it is a "won't", really...) describe the dress I will say it is wonderful and a perfect mixture of exactly what I was looking for! Thanks Dad for being incredible and doing SO much driving; you really are my hero! I am so glad we got to hang out like that, and I hope you feel the same way - sorry getting sniffly, must stop.

 

Heading Home...

So that takes care of the saga that was the wedding dress... I have it and the next stop for it will be alterations... the appointment is booked and I am good to go! 3 months people, 3 months!

 PS Next blog (as I am working on catching up) is about the bridesmaid dresses... stay tuned... here's a hint - WOW!

On Hold...

I am sitting in my bedroom on hold with product support for Medtronic Canada (Diabetes hotline) and they are telling me that my wait time will be up to (and potentially more than) one hour; this is one of the moments in one's life when crying seems like the best option. Therefore, instead of staring at the wall or playing a game of Solitaire (which now that I have said it I am itching to do) I figured I would write a post and try to catch everyone up on "life after the dress". So much has happened (even before we went to Pennsylvania) and I feel the need to recap the comings and goings of the last few weeks before I can get back into wedding related conversation.

Now "life after the dress" may sound a little like the climax has come and gone and everything is downhill, but frankly I haven't had a lot of time to kick back and relax. First, as many have heard and I have been quick to mention, I had the dreaded Swine (don't wish it upon my worst enemy), but have no fear I survived and you will too (if and when you get it). Literally I came back from Pennsylvania and the next thing I knew I was sick as a dog and in bed quarantined in the guest room of my house. At this time I would like to extend a special shout out to my family for being absolutely fantastic and impressively zealous towards the sanitation of me and everything I came in contact with (I practically had a love affair with Purell and Kleenex).

My Wonderful Family!

Speaking of hand sanitizer, can I ask... is there anyone out there that is really annoyed with themselves they did not buy stock in a) whatever pharmaceutical company develops and produces TamiFlu, and, b) hand sanitizer? I just keep thinking the entire wedding, house, car and first child could have been bankrolled if I had thought strategically and bought stock in such entities. However, hindsight is always 20/20 and therefore I will not dwell... you know me I never obsess... (cough, cough, drove to PA for a dress). Better yet the Government of Canada could have bought stock... think about the debt recovery plan.

In Ottawa - Peter Mansbridge and I

Once I had recovered from my illness (which thankfully I did not get as badly as some – my best wishes to all those who have been seriously ill and to their families – it is not easy and I only wish you the best) it was off to Ottawa for the Governor General's Order of Canada Mentorship Program 2009 of which I am a participant (for more information visit: www.gg.ca). I will not go into great detail in relation to the program, as this is a wedding blog and I am assuming you are here for wedding related information, but there is one anecdote I wish to share from my trip, which I hope you will find humourous... or if nothing else shake your head and say "Oh Marie!".

One of the fantastic experiences that I had an opportunity to take part in was the launch of Veterans' Week at the Senate. Following the ceremony we met with the Speaker of the Senate (Noel Kinsella, for more information visit: http://sen.parl.gc.ca/nkinsella/English/Biography-e.htm). When His Honour entered the room I stood, but in the process of standing I managed to knock over my water bottle (which I had placed on the floor to be respectful). My water bottle (not caring obviously about my sense of pride) decided to roll in front of His Honour practically tripping him in the process. Now, one could imagine my sheer horror at that experience as within seconds of meeting the man I practically break his neck and end up on the 11 o’clock news as the idiot who nearly took him out. However, as a true man of grace he picked up my water bottle, refrained from commenting on my red face and continued along his way to the head of the table.

Upon reaching the head of the table he sat down (as did I) and turned to me. This was a moment of uncertainty and sheer panic as I was afraid I was about to receive a lecture on proper Senate etiquette from the SPEAKER OF THE SENATE. After he had inquired about my name, he proceeded to ask if I knew where I was (uh oh...). After a few quick answers (and the redness in my poor face steadily increasing), he asked me “no, where are you right now?” to which I answered as politely as I could, “a chair?” Apparently that answer was correct (thank God), but there was more to the story than that. Once I had provided my answer it was explained to me that the chair I was sitting in was none other than the chair Barak Obama had sat in when he was in Canada in February! Yes that is right folks – Barak and I are chair buddies (how cool is that?). Having shared what I consider the greatest story ever (but trust me the horror of nearly tripping the man will never be far from my mind), I will return to wedding related conversation.

The Chair!

In “life after the dress”, dresses are still a hot topic as bridesmaids dresses are next on the chopping block. Thus far I have been out shopping twice; once with my sister and mom and once with my entire Unit. It has been hard to find the right dress so far (there’s a surprise) and while I am not prepared to drag my lovely ladies to Pennsylvania I want them to be as happy with their dresses as I am with mine – therefore our next project will be finding the perfect bridesmaid dresses. An experience which I am sure will be a source of endless amusement... so far we are rather focused on finding a wedding dress for Lorraine to try on (just for fun) from the “it’s not too late” section (PS Just for clarification: she is married).

The Unit!

 Now I think I have caught up everyone on my “life after the dress” (or at least a summary – the last few weeks have been crazy!). My next post will be about Brandon’s crew as thus far I haven’t had a chance to fill everyone in on the who’s who of Brandon’s group... I do have to say, now that I have finished this post, it is hard to write about “life after the dress”, but perhaps it is time to bring forward a new era... dreaming about someone answering the phone!

My Soon to be Family

(PS Megan took the pictures - pretty good eh?)

Diary of a Wedding Dress Shopper (Part Three)

Is it weird that I just spent fifteen minutes “Googling” Adam West, Batman and television serials? Frankly, the fact I have just spent my Saturday night searching for interesting tidbits proves what I have been saying about Google being an enabler of time wasting. Think, instead of Googling for information about a 1960s television series I could have devoted that time to actually working on the third (and potentially – I haven’t decided yet) final instalment of “Diary of a Wedding Dress Shopper” – some may find this delay a good thing. However, in the interest of ending the hate mail (I am a tease apparently) I feel it is time to conclude my saga (or at any rate try to) – mwhahaha, mwhahaha, mwhahaha.

She puts up with me!  Thanks Mom

Additionally, in the interest of demonstrating how committed I am to finishing my tale I will not share all the information I gained during my fifteen minutes of Googling relating to Bewitched, I Dream of Jeannie, Petticoat Junction, and a few other 1960 television serials (including obviously Batman). I have learned so much, but yet I will not bore everyone with the wondrous Wikipedian knowledge I have gained in the last fifteen minutes... sigh (it is really more like forty-five minutes, but let us not dwell on that).

Nonetheless, where was I...? Right! I remember...

“Holy Nuptials, Batman!” Sue, Mom, Megan and Mallory were all holding a collective breath as I was about to make my grand entrance in the dress I had travelled approximately 379.04 miles (610.005 749 76 kilometres if you are curious, http://www.onlineconversion.com/length_common.htm) to find... now obviously I didn’t hang around inside the change room as the last thing I wanted was for people to suffocate, but I have to say I was a little nervous. The pressure was intense; this was the dress; this was the dress I had dreamed about; this was the dress that was going to make my mom cry; this was the dress that was going to make me jump around ecstatically; this was the dress that Brandon would see me in when he says I do; this was a big moment; in fact this might be the moment (yes I am stalling – I am all for drawing out the anticipation, how’s it working?).

 

On The Road...

(Left to Right) 1) We're Almost Here! 

2) Intriguing Combination... Next Stop "Big Woodies II: Bibles and Playboys

I walked out of the change room with my eyes closed, my heart beating, and my palms sweating. I stepped up onto the raised platform (trying a wedding dress on is all about the raised platform) and turned toward the mirror and slowly cracked open my eyes and the moment I had waited for through all the phone calls, the Googling, the day dreaming, the frustration, and anticipation was absolutely, completely and totally CRAP. I looked ridiculous. In fact I looked more than ridiculous, I looked like a burlesque show girl with no taste and a bad costume designer – and most notably one that was about to throw up from the embarrassment of having to tell people this story. I would almost go so far as to say that I looked like I had hired Barbara Eden’s costume designer Gwen Wakeling to come up with my wedding dress (yes, okay I cracked, I had to slip in some of the information I have learned this evening – did you know that viewers of I Dream of Jeannie only saw Jeannie’s naval three times during the five seasons the show aired? By the way, Ms. Wakeling did design a great costume for a genie... just not a bride. Okay I am done the information spewing, for now... (for more information please visit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Dream_of_Jeannie)).

Therefore, I was left with a choice – One: I could pretend to love the dress to save face and not seem insane, or Two: I could try on the dress I noticed on the poster outside the store and see if I could see past the blob of fabric I was currently wearing and the fact that everyone was trying to be incredibly positive about the dress that was supposedly of my dreams. However, before I could do that I needed to stare at myself in the mirror for a half an hour to ensure myself that the dress I was wearing was actually the one on the Internet (frankly I couldn’t tell for sure – it looked completely different!).

 Good Friends Last Forever (and Go Miles)

I went into the change room and started laughing. Megan was laughing too and as she helped me out of the dress we shared a moment of sisterhood again when she started breathing a sigh of relief that I had said NO to the dress... just say no kids, just say no.

Now that you have heard the shocking truth that I hated the dress I had tracked across the Eastern Seaboard to find and had waxed poetic about to everyone, I will tell you another little secret... when I was walking into the store I saw a dress on a poster in the window and thought to myself... “Self that dress is beautiful”. In fact I saw myself in that dress and I saw Brandon crying. However, I assumed that was “pre-buyers” remorse and just the nervous anticipation of seeing MY dress. In Part Two of my saga you may remember that I referred to the dress that Megan and Mallory had the store staff grab, well that was the dress from the poster and now I was going to try it on again (the first time I didn’t really pay attention).

 It would be a great picture...

if it wasn't for the York sweater (Love You Mugs)

I am thinking you can probably guess the ending, so I will just say that it wasn’t a purple, size thirty pant suit. In fact it was everything I had hoped for. It was a cross between... urgh, I guess I can’t say. However, what I can say is that this was THE dress and it was making me smile, my mom weep, and I am hoping Brandon fall in love with me a little more than he has already (Sue promised me up and down that this is true and she lives with the guy so I have to believe her) – this was THE dress. It was the clichéd moment television and the movies continuously promote and I loved every second.

 It is Mine!

Within a short window of time (after the dress was pried off me) I paid and we embarked on the rest of our journey... Chili’s Grill and Bar for supper, Super 8 Hotel, Mallory overhearing wild and crazy sex fanatics next door (Megan and I slept soundly right through), Cracker Barrel (yummy!) and then Millcreek Mall for shopping! While at the Mall Megan and I were innocently strolling around Macy’s when out of nowhere we spotted another shopper who looked suspicious... suspiciously like our Aunt Deb (in fact it was). Aunt Deb, Aunt Donna and Aunt Deanne were part of a cross-border shopping bus trip and were currently at the Mall doing some last minute shopping before they headed home. Funny how small the world really is, eh? With another stop at an outlet in Buffalo and the longest line EVER crossing the border we made it home, safe and sound.

 Family (Left to Right): Megan, Aunt Deb, Me, Aunt Donna and Aunt Deanne

HOWEVER, this is not my last Pennsylvania trip; in fact I have another to look forward to in the spring when I go and pick up my dress. MY DRESS. I have tried to rationalize what happened; because truthfully I really loved the other dress when I saw it on the Internet – in fact I would have bet you cold, hard cash that it was perfect for me. But I guess you can’t judge a book by its cover, and that dress was fit for no one (even Elizabeth Montgomery couldn’t have nosed twitched that dress away). So I pulled a Bewitched styled Darrin swap (check out the website for explanation if you don’t get this reference - hint there were two Darrins: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bewitched) and the dress of my dreams became entirely different, but at the same time entirely perfect.

I guess this is the ending of my saga (darn I wish I could draw it out more... perhaps I could discuss Green Acres and the Beverly Hillbillies? Or perhaps not). I would like to say thanks to Terry Mullin for lending us her vehicle to go, Sue for driving over 1200 kilometres in search of a dress I didn’t buy, Denise and Elizabeth (Cuthbertson) for supporting my insanity at work, Mallory and Megan for being my Unit members in Pennsylvania (Megan special shout out for helping me in the change room – that was above and beyond the call – let me just say that insulin pumps complicate things), Elizabeth (Smith) and Lorraine for being my Unit members in Whitby, Tamara for encouraging me, Cindy for deep-throating the "secret designer" telephone number, Aliesha for selling me the dress, my Dad for just laughing and telling us to have a good time, my Mom for crying (and not accusing me of being psychotic), and most importantly Brandon for telling me that I could wear a burlap sack and he would still marry me with a smile on his face and love in his heart. I cannot wait until September 18th... I now have the dress of my dreams; I just had to go to Pennsylvania to find it.

 Two days of solid shopping... What else did you expect?

(PS If you want to know more about 1960s television please feel free to e-mail me as (like normal) I am a wealth of useless information - Did you know that Petticoat Junction, The Beverly Hillbillies and Green Acres all took place in the same fictional universe?  For more information visit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Petticoat_Junction.  Thanks Google (as per usual) ;-)

Diary of a Wedding Dress Shopper (Part Two)

Previously on Marie's Ridiculous Ramblings... Marie and her posse were last seen in Greensburg, Pennsylvania searching for the elusive wedding dress Marie has been hunting, like a dog in the night, for months and months and months. However, when this crazy crew of consumers arrived at the bridal store, a measly 300 plus miles from home "The Dress" was nowhere to be found. Now please stay tuned as we join our intrepid shoppers in their valiant search for "The Dress"...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH... After calling approximately one million, trillion, gazillion dress stores, planning two different trips to Pennsylvania, diligently dialing on the GO Train, and celebrating the kindness, generosity and very existence of Cindy from Michigan (FYI Still love Cindy from Michigan) this should be easy... and therefore the fact the dress could not be located had to be a joke. I had dragged four people to Pennsylvania and now there was a clear threat that I was going home empty handed (hang on, even typing this saga out is making me dizzy, deep breath).

So Cute!  Mom and Sue at a rest stop in Pennsylvania

Why did I worry?  As this experience reminded me I should never stress about my friends/family being mad or annoyed because like the intrepid shoppers/people they are *NOTHING* stops them. In fact Megan and Mallory took this opportunity to scope out other dress options in the store, while the store’s staff searched high and low for "The Dress".

To kill time I started trying dresses on and to my aid came my trusty, dusty sister. There are certain times when you need a friend, but there are other times when you need a sister and climbing into a wedding dresses amid the layers of satin, lace, and organza, half naked with an insulin pump dangling between your legs is definitely a time when you need a sister. For those of you have yet to experience the thrill of getting into a wedding dress head first I personally liken it to the experience of being born; granted my own recollection of that experience is limited (errr non-existent), but attempting to climb through the fabric and enter the world is rather awkward/exposing, if you will... and to this end you cannot do it on your own - just like there have to at least be two people involved in the whole being born process.

My Unit Members!

Nevertheless, the whole dress process is not as safe as people may suggest - in fact I would say it is hazardous, not only to the pocket book, but to the bride’s safety. I know this from personal experience, as, while manoeuvring into the dress, I was attacked. It was traumatic.  I was whiny.  And as the mental horror of the experience has lasted with me I feel it is worth telling my tale to others in order to offer protection and guidance for future would-be brides.

Therefore, please read my traumatic tale of trying on trousseau (yeah for dictionary.com): (SCARY MUSIC) Marie Greig - AGE 25 - VICTIM - Dress ATTACK: While innocently trying on dresses I assumed I was safe from harm, a fact that is important to me as I am a very careful person – I always stand back of the yellow line, I brake when the light is amber, I never rip the mattress tag off, well you get the point (and now you think I am a loser, but that is entirely irrelevant to this tale). Nonetheless, the attack was sneaky and devious as while I was under the cloak of fabric belonging to a dress that weighed approximately the same amount as an entourage of elephants I saw stars – BANG! – POW! – ZOKK! – CRASH! – KABOOM! (sorry still on the Batman kick...). One second I had my arms in the air and the dress was sliding down nicely and the next – SLICE! The ribbing inside the dress carved up my forehead with a near life threatening wound (tear)... even now the horror of the moment is more than I can handle. Okay, I might be exaggerating with the whole life threatening thing, but really it hurt and while some may say I acted like a baby (cough, everyone), I nonetheless wore this badge of survival on my forehead for MANY, MANY days after. I also have to say it provided my family members with an endless source of entertainment as yet another “Mariestrophe” occurred (kind of like a catastrophe with a dash of Marie thrown in for excitement).  Therefore, BRIDES BEWARE - DRESS SHOPPING IS NOT AS SAFE AS THE RETAILERS WOULD LEAD YOU TO BELIEVE!

Drum Roll Please...

Despite my injury and the stress of my missing dress, trying on the dresses was entertaining and the constant banter of my crew provided a least a source of comfort for my frazzled nears (WHERE IS THE DRESS?). Mallory and Megan in their kind hearted efforts even had the store’s staff pull a dress that I had noticed on a poster in the window when I was entering, but honestly I could not focus, I could only think about MY dress...

Despite my stress I have to say that the sales consultant helping me was incredible; seriously she may be one of my new favourite people (if you are in the neighbourhood of Greensburg, Pennsylvania and need a wedding gown make sure to visit Aliesha Pocratsky - like me she is getting married in Fall 2010 and accordingly we had lots in common and she understood my stress to a T). That is why it makes perfect sense that the one person who could help me was another bride and she truly.  In fact she lived up to the name of my change room (Happiness) when she entered with “THE DRESS” in her hands... INSERT JOY AND TRIUMPH.

Don’t get jealous Cindy... I sense an ode to Aliesha in the future...

The moment was here I was going to try on the dress of my dreams (why were my hands sweating?). Megan and I entered the change room and I slipped into the dress with excitement building by the second. Sue, Mallory and my Mom waited in the change area for my grand entrance and everyone held their breath...

War Wound and Happiness... Interesting Combination...

So what happened? Was it the moment I had waited for? Did I love the dress and buy it instantly? Did it really look like the size 30 purple pant suit I had dreaded? Did Bicycle Bill show up to offer his suggestions on this season’s formal wear? Well the answers to all the above will have to wait, as it is bed time (man, sleep really puts a cramp on my blogging style). If only someone would pay me to stay at home and bore all my friends and family with my tales of weddingness- “Holy Nuptials, Batman!”

Diary of a Wedding Dress Shopper (Part One)

When it is 4:30 in the morning and my alarm clock goes off, I typically liken the experience to the “thrill” of having one’s teeth removed by a three-sheets-to-wind, cell phone texting chimpanzee (please note: I have not gained this knowledge from personal experience). However, this morning the pain typically associated with waking up is almost non-existent, as the BIG day is here: Wedding Dress Shopping Day!

While I am sure you are perched on the edge of your seat waiting for me to explain what came after 4:30 in the morning I thought it would be best if I provided a one minute recap of the last few months of my wedding dress shopping woes before I detail the rest of my day.

One Minute Wedding Dress Recap:

A Monologue by Marie Elizabeth

Act One, Scene One: [Scene: Nathan Phillips Square – Marie and Brandon] “Yes! Yes! Yes! I will marry you Brandon!”

Act Two, Scene One: [Scene: Home – Marie] “Self, this is easy I’ll search the Internet for wedding dresses, find a designer I like and then go to the store that carries that designer...”

Act Three, Scene One: [Scene: All of GTA – Marie] “What do you mean you don’t have this dress?”

Act Three, Scene Two: [Scene: Eaton Centre at Lunch Hour – Marie] “Ring, Ring... Hello Thunder Bay – Hmpf”

Act Three, Scene Three: [Scene: Eaton Centre at Lunch Hour – Marie] “Ring, Ring... Hello Montreal – Urgh and Sigh”

Act Three, Scene Four: [Scene: Eaton Centre at Lunch Hour – Marie] “Ring, Ring... Hello New York – @#$%^&;*#@!?È”

Act Four, Scene One: [Scene: Home – Marie] “Ring, Ring... Hello Pennsylvania – You mean they can bring the dress into the store for me to try on? (15 minutes elapse) WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT IS BACKORDERED UNTIL 2015?! I GIVE UP! But, I still like the dress....”

Act Five, Scene One: [Scene: GO Train – Marie and Denise] “Ring, Ring... Hello Michigan Bridal... Cindy! You rock! Thanks for the top secret telephone number of the dress designer”

Act Five, Scene Two: [Scene: GO Train – Marie and Denise] “Ring, Ring... Hello MB Bridal... Greensburg Pennsylvania here I come!” (Aside: Yes I do think it is madness going to Pennsylvania for a wedding dress)

The End

So with the intense anticipation of going to see the ever elusive dress I have managed to chase across the Eastern Seaboard I was practically vibrating with excitement when my alarm rang at 4:30 in the morning on October 24, 2009.

Therefore, after a stop to grab Mallory (Sue was driving, mom was riding shot gun and Megan was sharing the backseat with me) and a visit to Tim Hortons (mandatory requirement), we hit the road and head south.

Cracker Barrel Has Its Own Map!  Who Knew?

Our first real pit stop was at the visitor centre just across the New York/Pennsylvania border and if you know anything about me and my family you would know that pit stops mean it is time to take pictures. Accordingly, Sue, Mallory, Mom and myself peacefully gathered by the “WELCOME TO PENNSYLVANIA” sign while Megan fiddled with the self timer on her camera so we could take a group picture.  

Welcome to Pennsylvania Ladies!

From Left to Right: Megan, Sue, Mom, Me and Mallory

UNTIL... Enter 60 year old man dressed in army fatigues with matching trucker hat (where is Queer Eye when you need it?).  Despite everyone’s whispered protests the gentleman took the camera and snapped off a few shots of our smiling crew beside the sign. Now please do not get me wrong, I am not a bad person, nor are my friends/family, but I think everyone felt this situation had one too few teeth for our liking (if you know what I mean).

After the mini-photo shoot our stand in photographer uttered a sentence I will never forget for the rest of my life (please sit if you are not already seated as this may be too much, I would also recommend going to the bathroom), the sentence was and forever will be: “Hi, my name is Bicycle Bill AND Jesus Loves you AND so do I”.  Now as you can imagine this is the moment where the situation got awkward and a few members of our party had to divert themselves to the bathroom to avoid embarrassment, while the rest of us headed to the car at top speed with Bicycle Bill not far behind.

Bicycle Bill

Therefore, with mirth and smiles we packed ourselves back into the car (Bill was not far behind – oddly enough he didn’t ride a bicycle) and departed to our end destination: Greensburg, Pennsylvania (for more information or if you too want to visit Greensburg, please visit: http://www.city.greensburg.pa.us/ or http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greensburg,_Pennsylvania (if you are more the Wikipedia Type)).

We drove and we drove and finally we arrived in Greensburg, Pennsylvania (we didn’t get lost!). And with 5 minutes to spare (we had a 1 pm appointment) we arrived at MB Bridal (for more information in the event you wish to drive seven plus hours to find a wedding dress, please visit: http://www.mbbride.com/).

 On Time Like a Swiss Clock, errrr... Sue Clock?

The anticipation was building and after a few pictures (as we are total nerds) by the sign we ventured inside to find THE dress.  I was impressed with the store as it had lots of dress options (not that we were there for the options) and the staff was fantastic. First, we were shown to our change room (called the “Happiness Room” – a good sign if I have ever seen one before) and then it was time for the dress to be brought in and for me to try on THE dress of my dreams, a dress that will make me smile and feel beautiful, my mom to weep and Brandon to fall in love with me a little more than he has already... WRONG!

 We’re Here!

The dress was MIA and with my heart tucked securely in my throat I searched through the rack of dresses, panicking the entire time that I would not only have my hopes dashed, but would have to explain to the four busy people I dragged more than seven hours from home that we are back at square one and exactly 379.04 miles away from home... GULP!

So what happens next?  Do I find my dress?  Does it actually end up being size 30, a pantsuit and purple?  Does it make my mom cry?  Do I return from Pennsylvania successful?  Well all those answers will have to wait until next time (which will be tomorrow more than likely – assuming swine flu and all the other events of the past few weeks don’t delay my tale!  Sorry everyone for being slow to post as of late - I know this is edge of your seat excitement – cough).  So in an Adam Westian type way – tune in next time, same wedding website, same crazy wedding blogger.

An Ode to Cindy from Michigan

Searching for the right wedding dress is not a simple task. I have heard rumours of girls putting a dress on and just "knowing"... well it hasn't been that simple for me and there is one reason for that and one reason alone: THE INTERNET. I think the Internet may be the worst invention for weddings since the credit card - and this is not an exaggeration. Think about this for a minute - instead of being limited and therefore content with the selection available in your local stores every bride now settles into her computer chair and starts GOOGLING (another problem as the solution to everything is, "oh I'll figure that out, I'll just Google it). What happens when one starts Googling and surfing the web? Well one finds a beautiful dress and naturally "assumes" that it will not be difficult to find locally, regionally, provincially, nationally or internationally... therefore today's blog is my tale of trying to find the dress of my dreams (anyone up for a short jaunt to Korea or perhaps Peru?).

My initial discovery that this wasn't going to be as easy as I imagined came to light when I went to try on dresses for the first time with my mom and sister. We arrived at the bridal store picture in hand and were all set to start trying dresses on - SPECIFICALLY THE ONE I HAD FOUND ON THE INTERNET... but nope, I found out that while they may carry the designer of the dress they do not carry the actual dress itself... urgh and sigh. That being said I tried on a number of dresses, several of which were beautiful and left with a lot to think about. The problem was that I couldn't forget about the dress, THE dress that I had found on the Internet. I just kept wondering what it would look like... would it be similar, would I look awful, would it make my mom start to cry when she saw me wearing it, would I feel like a million bucks, would Brandon fall in love with me a little more when he saw it?

A Shopping We Will Go...

The good ole days (before finding out that dress shopping is not quite that simple)

Therefore, I printed off the listing of every store in Ontario carrying this designer and started phoning... from Thunder Bay to Renfrew, Ontario I called. Some stores were really helpful, some were plain rude, and others well... we will just leave it at that. Finally, I exhausted all of Ontario and was traumatized to realize that while all were willing to order the dress for me; none had the dress in stock so I could try it on before spending a nice car down payment to see what it looked like. Who buys a dress without trying it on?


My next step was to print off the listings for New York State and Pennsylvania - I assumed this would be a synch! So once more I started calling, I called about 60% of New York and about 40% of Pennsylvania and was about to give up my will to use a telephone (blackened finger tips from dialling, broken nails, inner ear damage, etc...; I am sure you can imagine the sorry state I was in), until... I hit upon a winner. Please find below a short re-creation of my conversation (please note that this is relatively accurate and not been altered for publication):

Marie: "Hi, do you have x* dress, by Maggie Sottero in stock?"


Wanda (sales girl): "Ummmm... let me go check" [puts phone down and I can hear ruffling of paper and things moving around], "no we don't have it, but has anyone told you about "Maggie on Tour?"


Marie: "Maggie on Tour? No, I have only called 120 dress stores why would anyone mention MAGGIE ON TOUR to me?


Wanda: "Well Sugar [yes I was called sugar, ironic no?] it works like this, you pay between $50 to $100 and Maggie sends the dress to the store in question for you to try on, if you like it order one in your size, colour etc... And basically Bob's your uncle [well he's actually my father, but who am I to criticize]".


Marie: "YEAH! Do they offer this in Canada?"


Wanda: "Errr no..."


Marie: "Figures - Pennsylvania here I come!" [not Hollywood, but it works anyway].

So I hang up the phone and begin to make plans for the great sojourn as I like to call it. We set a date to go and everything is just sailing along until Wanda calls back and says that the dress is backordered until sometime in 2015 (well that might be an exaggeration) and beyond that the sample size is about the right size for a Barbie (and Barbie I am not). So where does that leave me you ask? Basically back at square zero, but with a date set to go to Pennsylvania... what's a girl to do?


Well the girl mopes for a few days, contemplates giving up, but then suddenly gets a renewed sense of direction. So I started making more calls and more calls. I started calling stores in Montreal to see if perhaps our neighbours to the East might open more doors for me, but alas... they did not. In fact I felt a little slammed shut on a few time; the worst phone call thus far was with one of those stores. The woman answered the phone with this huge string of French (still no idea what she said) and I trying to be polite said "parlez-vous Anglais?". To which her reply was another string of French, from which I discerned that no she does not speak English, nor why would she want to. Nonetheless, I gave it the old college try and started to explain in my own halted grade eleven French what I was looking for... to be fair there were a lot of ummms, errrs, and a few quietly mumbled swear words in the sentence as I tried to communicate in broken sentences. This lasted for about 3-4 minutes until the woman finally interrupted me and made a statement I will remember for the rest of my life: "this is going to take forever, what is it that you are looking for?" In perfect, unaccented English - SERIOUSLY!

Brandon and I during our recent Montreal trip...

see no hard feelings (well kind of!)

Obviously I didn't find what I was looking for at that store, nor did the rest of Quebec pan out, but I still had two things on my side - desperation and a picture from the Internet of a beautiful dress... (DARN YOU INTERNET!). So I again took a day off to ponder my situation and then felt a renewed sense of inspiration as I hadn't called ALL of New York State or Pennsylvania and there are a couple of other states close at hand, Michigan for example. There is still hope. 

So I began once more. However this time I was assisted by my delightful co-worker Denise who felt equally (?) determined to find this dress for me. So we began again and again and again. We kept the drive going and on the GO Train we started making more calls from our luxurious seat in the stair case practically sitting on top of each other (Denise was the scribe and I was the caller). She dictated phone numbers and we dialled and dialled. From Ann Arbour to the moon we kept searching until we struck gold with Cindy** from Michigan.


Now before I explain about striking gold I would like to detail the reason I did not call the designer directly to see if they could help - I couldn't get the telephone number. Apparently the way it works is the dress stores are the only ones really able to call designers directly as I guess (for reasons such as this) the designer does not want to be inundated with calls (some customer service!). I had heard about this legendary number in hushed whispers and Morse Code, but never actually had heard it - it was as mysterious as the Loch Ness Monster, but perhaps more elusive... until Cindy entered my life.


I explained my situation to Cindy and with Denise and I holding baited breaths along with the rest of our growing GO Train audience she repeated another sentence I will remember for the rest of my life, "ummm... I am not supposed to tell you this and don't tell anyone where you got it, but... call 1-XXX-XXX-XXXX and they can tell you who has the dress - JUST DON'T TELL ANYONE OR I WILL GET FIRED!" - She "deep throated" out the location of my future wedding dress! I love you Cindy!


EUREKA!


Obviously I accepted the number graciously and with trembling hands dialled. I was connected and within 5 minutes had the location of the dress. I called and they were delightful. So as a result of my family's great patience with my nuttiness (my dad Googled it and found a telephone number, but it is in Peru, so I think I would rather avoid calling that...), Denise's dedication, Mallory's willingness to drive to PA, Mom and Megan's efforts to find similar dresses, and my own Internet searches (cough, cough) and of course my forth coming long distance bill, I am heading to Pennsylvania to see the dress. Mind you, knowing my luck I will get there and it will be purple, size 30 and a pant suit, but we will cross that bridge when and if it comes.

How the men in my life felt about my search!

(FYI This is Amandeep (my sister's beau) and Brandon having their heads knocked in

by none other than my Dad... that's familial love if I have ever seen it before)

I guess I can thank the Internet for one thing... this story (but that is all we can thank the Internet for mind you). I will keep you posted on the search and our trip... hopefully I will return with a dress that makes me smile, my mom weep and Brandon fall in love with me a little more than he has already... keep your fingers crossed!

* Cannot provide dress name as do not want to ruin wedding day by virtue of the Googleability of the dress... ARRRRGGGGH THE INTERNET (eek now I sound like a Stratfordian Pirate...).
** Name has been altered to protect identity as per agreement made in desperation.