Scottish Wedding Traditions Uncovered: Yet Another Internet Rant

My inability to make a decision is caused by one thing and one thing alone: the Internet (and yes I can see the irony of complaining about the Internet on the Internet). Frankly my problem with the Internet can be directly attributed to my addition to Google (insert a round of applause for my completion of the first of many steps towards the end of my Google addiction). The root of my Google addition (sounds kind of indecent, eh?) is that I am obsessed with having an abstract thought and then having the ability to immediately open up my web browser and find out what information Google may have to share about the topic.

One of my latest interests (errr... obsessions) is Googling different wedding traditions that I can incorporate into my big day. As we are having a Celtic wedding and are trying to follow all the "rules" this has required a fair amount of research on my part into the history of Scotland and Scottish wedding traditions. While I am Scottish (so is my family conveniently enough) and consider myself fairly knowledgeable about such traditions, I am nonetheless "North Americanized" and therefore need to do research into the topic to ensure accuracy, quality and no legal loop holes (one doesn't want to get married and then find out ten years later the ceremony wasn't legal because in the glow of their pending marital bliss the happy couple decided to use some tradition where a goat can stand in for the Minister (in a pinch of course)!).

Deep and Megan practicing for the wedding...

While I have learned a lot through my research, I nonetheless have to say that in some ways my search has been downright scary as while the term "tradition" is defined by the Oxford English Dictionary as "a custom, opinion, or belief handed down to posterity" (1117), the OED fails to mention the fact that traditions are not always good, and in fact can be quite bad depending on who is at the receiving end of the tradition (tragically in many cases it is the Bride who suffers and ends up in Tibet with only $5 bucks, a lampshade and a TTC transfer stub to her name).

Now before I go any further I have to say that I am a little nervous about providing the results my research to my friends/family, as I believe knowledge is a very powerful weapon and I may (probably will) live to regret sharing what I have learned. Nonetheless, in the name of science I must persevere and spread the knowledge I have gained. [DISCLAIMER: I am explaining these details strictly from an intellectual point of view and do not necessarily wish to be a test dummy for any of the weirder and wilder traditions that I may explain - i.e. Blackening the Bride.]

The first tradition is more romantic in nature as strategically I figured that if Brandon was going to read this post it is best to suggest something beneficial to me right off the top in case he decides not to read the rest (love you Sweetie). This 17th century tradition centres on a broach called the "Luckenbooth" (named because it was sold from locked booths along the Royal Mile). According to scottishweddingtraditions.net this token was typically exchanged between couples upon betrothal (cheaper than an engagement ring – I guess it was before diamonds were forever) and kept until the birth of the first child.  At this time the pin was then attached to the shawl swaddling the baby and served to protect the child from evil spirits. Honestly, I have to say that I prefer my engagement ring, but I don't know how well it protects me and any future children from evil spirits... interested guys perhaps, but not evil spirits... I assume the protection from interested guys is Brandon's ultimate plan and I am left to my own devices to fend off evil spirits.

The second tradition I have to mention is one I find both a little bit awkward and a little bit disturbing, but that is just because I have a foot phobia and the ceremony involves "feet washing" (urgh and sigh). Now before I continue I would first like to apologize to my "Unit" as in theory this would be their job if it were two hundred years ago and we lived in Scotland, but don't worry this is where my North Americaness kicks in and makes having a "feet washing" ceremony not an option. Essentially the bride places her feet in a tub of water and then is surrounded by her "Unit" who proceed to wash her feet (ewwww). While this is occurring a wedding ring is placed in the tub and whoever finds the ring will be the next to get married. At least it is true that misery loves company and to this end the groom (who has been hiding outside the door) is grabbed by the groomsmen and forced to sit in the foot washing tub and is covered with soot, ashes and cinders (I'd have Brandella!) I have yet to figure out the benefit of this custom, but I am sure it is there somewhere... if someone comes up with an idea please let me know ASAP.

Other Scottish traditions involve lots of parties, drinking and general debauchery for all involved (works for me). However, one tradition that was of interest involves dressing the bride up in old curtains and other household materials. The bride is then toured through town with her entourage banging pots and pans announcing the forthcoming marriage - along the way men drop money into the pots in exchange for a kiss from the bride (my kind of party!).

Mind you the dressing up in old curtains is a better alternative to a Scottish stag party where the groom is either dressed up like a pregnant woman (I have no clue why) or partially/completely stripped of his clothes and tied up in front of his house. However, this might be preferred over another Scottish tradition called the "Creeling of the Bridegroom". In this custom a massive basket (AKA creel) is laden with stones and tied to the bridegroom's back. Once the load is in place the bridegroom has to carry it around the entire town until his bride agrees to come out and kiss him... if she refuses... well let's say that the Low Back Clinic might be the groom's only resort (man I can be cruel, but that would be pushing it a little far).

It is important to note that it is not just the Scottish that have weird and wonderful wedding traditions... for example in Korea the groom has his feet beaten with fish prior to the ceremony (enough said).

Another fun tradition is from Germany where friends of the bride and groom kidnap the bride and the groom has to find her... this could be problematic as the search is supposed to start in the pub and frankly I have never seen Brandon exit a pub in the same shape he went into it in... I would be lost forever!

Another interesting one (and Brandon please read this!) is in Taiwan the groom gives the bride 12 presents (sweet deal!) before the wedding... it is like the Twelve Days of Christmas but better as there are no partridges in pear trees or eight maids a milking kicking around (I will take the 5 Golden Rings though if they are up for grabs).

Now I know you have all been waiting and wondering why I am tossing in Korean and German traditions when the crème de la crème of Scottish traditions has yet to be explained: The Blackening of the Bride. This is similar to the beginning of the German tradition where friends of the soon-to-be married couple kidnap the bride, but that is where the similarities end (gulp, why am I telling you this again? Right in the name of science and intellectual discovery).  The so-called friends of the bride pour a smelly, sticky, gooey, nasty substance on her, which basically is a combination of eggs, butter, cheese, noodles, fish, sausages and of course carrots (I assume to improve eyesight?). I guess that's what friends are for? No wait, friendship is all about what happens next – following the goo-ification of the bride her friends tour her around town in her sticky state for all to see... (FYI: PAY BACK IS A @#$%&;#?$).

Just remember I like to give hugs...

and try to stop me from giving you one if you "blacken" me

Courtesy of http://traditionscustoms.com/content/strange-wedding-traditions

Just to be fair I have to say that I have held some wedding traditions back and have no intention of sharing, science smience, who was I kidding with all that in the "pursuit of knowledge" crap. If you are curious about the rest of the traditions I may or may not incorporate you will just have to stay tuned until the wedding. 

So do you see what Google/the Internet has done?  Can you tell I am an addict?  Well at least I have achieved the first step on the road to recovery from my Google addiction... hmm... I wonder what the next step is, maybe I should just find out... Yikes - 75.5 million hits, gonna be a long night - Thanks Google :-).
For More Information Please Visit:

• http://www.scottishweddingtraditions.net/traditions.htm
• http://www.worldweddingtraditions.com/locations/west_europe_traditions/scottish_traditions.html
• http://traditionscustoms.com/content/strange-wedding-traditions

PS: 337 More Days!